By Barbara Walshe

It has been pharaoh's seven fat years for women seeking divorce in the UK, according to high profile divorce lawyer Sandra Davis at Mishcon De Reya. With regular stories emerging about top end divorce settlements won by women such as Melissa Miller, awarded £5m after nearly three years of marriage to a fund manager, and Julia McFarlane getting £250,000 a year for the rest of her life following her 18 year marriage after giving up her career to raise her family - it's a bold statement embedded in truth.

Since October 2000, the enormous escalation in settlements for women has resulted in the UK becoming the divorce capital of Europe, according to Davis. But this wasn't always the case. Before these settlements, women - especially those who worked in the home - were awarded what they needed with 'a bit more'.

The tables were turned in 2000 when a Mrs White took her divorce litigation right up to the House of Lords. Davis explains: "She'd been married for 30 years, worked in the farming partnership, brought up their children and thought why on earth wouldn't she get her fair share? Why wouldn't she get 50 per cent?"

Although Mrs White didn't get 50 per cent, she did get 41 per cent which elevated women's settlement awards to the degree where now, irrespective of contribution and length of the marriage, and unless there is a very special contribution, women will get in the region of 50 per cent.

Facts and figures

The latest figures for divorce in the UK are just over 155,000 recorded in 2005 - the first annual decrease since 1999/2000. As a result of these numbers, the process of divorce has become an efficient one in the UK. It can take as little as four months from issuing a petition to decree absolute. However, it is resolving the financial element, which can take anything from six to eight months, that lengthens this process.

If this is the end stage of divorce, the starting point begins years earlier. Some years ago, the government tried to introduce new legislation, according to Davis, to facilitate mediation as a first port of call for divorce because they believed people were coming to a decision to separate quite instantaneously. "That's absolutely not the case," she confirms. "It is an incredibly painful decision for people to take to separate and they think about it for a long time, often coming to see a lawyer some years before they actually decide to go ahead with it."

In her 30 years of practise, Davis has found men and women approach divorce very differently. "Men tend to want to effect a settlement in the same way they operate a business. They want it done yesterday. There is no emotional component behind how they want to negotiate, they operate with solutions."

Women, in contrast, have a process they work through. As well as the emotional journey, women are often becoming commercially aware for the first time. "Divorce is a huge learning curve for women and a brave step, particularly because of all the consequences that flow from it. Women are evaluating their position, looking at the need for change, fearing the unknown, recognising the need to move on, looking at how they are going to function independently," says Davis. "At the same time, they are working with lawyers and financial advisers to put in place the systems necessary to keep their lives ticking."

The 'change' element, which women tend to struggle with initially, is often why they are awarded the family home in a settlement. "This is quite important, certainly in the first stage post divorce for consistency and for the security of the children," says Davis.

"Women need not have listened to hours of financial discussion at bed time - she could have done absolutely nothing in the marriage and is still entitled to the same settlement now"

But women also struggle with other elements. In a survey conducted by Grant Thornton accountancy firm in 2004, extra marital affairs were cited as the main reason (27 per cent) for divorce petitions in the UK. Within that figure, men were responsible for 75 per cent of these transgressions.

Spouse behaviour, however, is not generally taken into account during divorce proceedings or settlements. "There is no financial penalty for the guilty party and women can find that unfair. So, a retaliatory element, often in relation to children and access, is something that women have to compartmentalise and put to one side," warns Davis.

On the upside, the same behavioural rules apply to women. "Women need not have listened to hours of financial discussion at bed time and provided the wherewithal to entertain his business colleagues any more. She could have done absolutely nothing in the marriage and is still entitled to the same settlement now," she confirms.

It is her strong belief that women can be empowered by the process of divorce to become self-sufficient and independent that has kept Sandra Davis interested in the area for 30 years. That and the psychological element. "I remain constantly surprised by human behaviour. I have seen women set fire to their husband's suits or chop off the left arms of all of them. I have seen wine collections poured down the toilet, fungus sewn in the helms of curtains after vacation of a property. One of my clients even attempted murder and taped it for me.

"So, I don't find what I do repetitive or boring, it's a challenge to be able to take a difficult situation and try and make the best of it for a family. And it's a privilege to be able to help people work through something that is really very difficult emotionally, physically and financially," she says.

Although much progress has been made with settlements, imbalances and outdated legislation still need to be addressed. Under current rules, women who run the house and also work at a very high level are treated the same as those who choose to stay at home or whose husband has chosen for them to stay at home. "Those two women don't have the same choices," Davis points out. "The woman who has worked has to continue working. The woman who hasn't worked could choose to. And I'm not sure that's fair."

Pre-nuptial contracts, though not legally binding in the UK like in the US, South Africa and the rest of Europe, are now becoming increasingly persuasive in divorce proceedings - if entered into freely and at least three weeks prior to the marriage with 'full and frank disclosure'.

Davis is pro this move: "If you think about the fact that marriage is the most important contract of your life, why is it that we don't think we need to have a financial and contractual relationship with someone at a stage when we feel at our most positive?" Not particularly romantic? She dismisses this argument: "Bearing in mind pre-nuptial contracts operate in mainline Europe including France and Spain, the most romantic places in the world, that can't possibly be right."

Until these issues are solved however, Davis has some important advice for women either considering or seeking a divorce.

Choose a divorce lawyer carefully

"Your relationship with a divorce lawyer is very important. It has to be one of trust," insists Davis. "Given that it will be one of the most important you have, take a few hours to interview a number of lawyers to see what their approach is likely to be. If you're looking for one to take the shirt and vest off his back, then you're not going to want someone who's mediatory or conciliatory." Davis advises: "Find someone who can help you manage and enable at the same time, who speaks in a language that allows you to become part of the decision-making not one that takes responsibility off your shoulders so that you have no idea why what's happening is happening to you."

Find a counsellor

"It's a very difficult path to tread to assist people in focusing on their legal matters and not assuming the role of mother confessor. Your lawyer is an expensive shoulder to cry on. I am four times as expensive as your average therapist and don't regard it as a good use of my time or my client's resources. People are paying for time and they forget how much time they spend talking. So I am commercial and responsive to my clients' needs in sending them to other third parties for assistance. It is much more cost effective."

Keep an eye on costs

"The more you can do to prepare for your lawyer, the less your lawyer will have to do of the very basic work. What we try and do is have an assistant working with the client who can do more of the day-to-day labour intensive work at a much lower charge out rate. Otherwise the fee becomes simply exorbitant!"

Get organised

"Do some preparatory work, wave your magic wand and think about what you want to achieve," says Davis.

• Come in with copies of documents organised chronologically
• Do your own statement of what you have or what you think you have
• Take photographs of the way you've lived in the outside and inside of your house
• Make a list of those items you want to keep
• If you're going to move out of the UK to live back in the place where you've come from, then sit down and think why. What are the reasons for this, and the reasons your spouse might object.

Have realistic objectives

"A lot of clients are unhappy with the process at the end because they never test whether what they expect is likely to happen. I always ask somebody at the end of their first session what they would like or expect from the process. I confirm that and then tell them whether it's achievable or not so that they have a realistic expectation."

Using or not using the media

"I usually involve PR advisers in cases and frequently give advice to clients on whether to engage with the media or not. Most clients do not want to litigate through the press. They want their private lives kept precisely that - private. But if you do wish to use the media, you must be very careful. It can be friendly at the outset but who knows thereafter. You will not find many of my clients have been in the media, and that's because they want their proceedings kept discreet and private."

To contact Sandra Davis direct, call her on +44 (0) 20 7440 7014 or via email Sandra.davis@mischon.co.uk